I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
