umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I wear drunk well.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
