there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Randomize
