Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
one two three fourrrrnication!
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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