i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
