I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
