I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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