I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Randomize
