I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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