Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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