I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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