I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Bring me that man meat
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
