The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
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