Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
