I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
My balls are so social today.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
