How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
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