I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
