she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
