yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Randomize
