yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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