What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
