I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
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