On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
