You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Even the bartender felt bad for me
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
