All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Randomize
