I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Randomize
