My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
