just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
