Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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