He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
