you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize