It's just like the Real World with babies
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
