dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
