You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
