ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
