i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
