So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
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we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
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Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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