why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
