whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
