please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
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So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
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You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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