Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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