She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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