Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Randomize
