She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Randomize
