Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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