he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
that is very illegal...i love you.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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