My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
