If that was your dad, he is hot
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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