he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
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It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
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I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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