Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
