The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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