Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
