She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
