Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
