booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
