Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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