splinters make it hard to masturbate
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
