I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Randomize
