ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
