What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Randomize
