and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
