I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
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