I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
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