Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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