dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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