I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize