Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
COCAINE IS GR8
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
